Classifications v Generalizations

Classification
clas·si·fi·ca·tion\ˌkla-sə-fə-ˈkā-shən\: the act or process of putting people or things into groups based on ways that they are alike.
Generalization : gen·er·al·i·za·tion\ˌjen-rə-lə-ˈzā-shən, ˌje-nə-\: the act or process of forming opinions that are based on a small amount of information

I’ve been out of college for 5 years and about a few years after grade school, and I can’t remember the reason why we have to classify things. For cognitive reasons perhaps? To know the difference between right and wrong? The first time we’ve officially been introduced to classification was during Scientific Experiments, which is a sheer bit of useless next to Mr Generalization.

If we could classify things and use it in our everyday lives, can we classify people? Based on gender, skill, and intelligence? Based on how they drive a car? Based on how they scored in Mathematics? Or based on their college degrees?

I grew up with a lot of skills– I can play volleyball, basketball, softball, tennis, badminton. I can say I’m alright with writing–script or news, and I’m a frustrated artist, mind you. But I was never the best. I was never the most intelligent, nor the most athletic. I guess I was always the get-to girl. But not the most reliable either. 

How are you being classified at home? Were you the smartest? Were you the most diligent in school? Or were you the person who could make them all speechless just by thinking how to describe you?

As being the youngest of four, you might get the picture of constant sneers and rants but thank god it’s not. Instead, it’s this huge elephant in the room. 

I’d like to think that this issue has to be considered as a taboo topic. We all have something to offer. Being a person is not based on classifications. If you were classified as useless, would you step up just to prove them wrong? Even if you know that you are not, would you waste your life proving to anybody that particular something that you can lay on the table?

I’m not blaming anyone for being so goddamned smart or resourceful in life or if they excel on something. I just therefore conclude that being classified as a nobody doesn’t define who you really are.

But if you are on the upside of this issue, think about the people beneath you, or the people that you think are beneath you, then ask yourself: Since when are you all high and mighty to judge a person?

If a cat caught a fish today but before that, his whole life he ate nothing that has eyes, would it still be called a murderer? 

If a kid failed a grade, why would he be taunted by that issue? Isn’t the situation itself punishment enough? 

Most people just forget how to just live their lives– not minding all the stereotypes or labels and judgements in this borrowed life.

Classifications v Generalizations

Bear-ly There

Bearing my thoughts to someone suffocates me; it feels like every inch of my body has suddenly revealed itself– every flaws, every imperfections. 

I wrote this on my journal a few months ago, and it’s a bit weird how heavy it still gets me everytime I read this particular sentence. It the was the day I swore to myself never to bore anything to anyone anymore. Never again. It never made me whole. It never made me feel alive or content even. 

My thoughts are to be kept within me for as long as I can contain it, for as long as I can remember it. They wouldn’t understand. Hell, I for one, can’t understand it, how they hell can I explain it to them? They said that by doing so, I don’t fight fair. I’m living my life blind with all these bottled-up emotions. But would it be easier for you to dive into a dark ocean than to stay afloat into your own little boat, letting the wind take you to wherever?  

 

Bear-ly There

Indebted

It’s funny how people frequently use the line, “Always remember that I was there for you when no one else did“, because where we live in is so complex that you cannot control every possible feeling or scenario. People tend to forget that the world does not revolve around themselves. You can’t possibly think that someone is taking you for granted for someone else after all the things you did for him/her when as a matter of fact, someone out there is thinking the same about you. 

It’s simply the circle of life. You cannot go out there and demand something that is beyond your limitations as a person. You can’t be seriously telling people off how they should make their decisions or threaten them for that matter. 
This line simply implies that whatever deed or your so-called goodwill  did is expected to be returned or that it can’t just be taken down from the Board of Debts between you and that’s a shame. 
Indebted

On This Corner

As this year commenced, I started writing again, like seriously pouring my guts and all on a piece of paper. It started weird as my fingers start to get callouses again. Here’s what I wrote on my first entry this year:

I celebrate every New Year’s Eve with my family. We drink ’til midnight, we cheer all throughout the night. What amazes me are those moments where I’ll recharge by staying on a corner and just simply observe people. Just by looking at them, I see something– All of the doubts, worries and sadness. All of it. I can see all of it through their eyes. The smiles from their pictures say otherwise. They’re my family. They’re humans. I’ve always thought that I’m different but they’re just like me after all.

We all have wanted something. We all have needed something. We have all been hurt, and we all have those wishes that were ignored– wishes that turned into a “want“, which then evolved into a “need“. Most of us have rose from our sorrows but something still aches from within, but some of them strives to take all the joy that they can possibly get.

As the clock ticks closer to midnight, the pain throbs harder, and loneliness stings faster. But the hope is there. It’s creeping within our hearts whispering that everything will be better, that the year will be better than the last. Some hugged the pain out–feeling the love from their partners. Forgiving all the mistakes, loving them deeper, hoping for a better year together. Some find comfort from each other, while some find it from silence. This is them. This is us. Happy New Year. Hello, 2015.

On This Corner

The Cloud on the Horizon

Since the Big Bang Theory or the Story of Creation, it was stated that everything evolves. Some went extinct, while some evolved into something weird or something cuter or something well, normal.

Billions of years ago, everything would seem normal to all living things then, like those homo sapiens, or those species who invented fire, everything they wear, every raw meat they eat– these lifestyles are normal at that time. Heck, even their clothes.

Fast forward to the eighties, from the girls’ teased hair to the guys’ bell-bottomed jeans, they were cool on that era. What we think is cool right now could be a laughing matter next year. And sure thing, change is inevitable.

The people you have right now could just be strangers after five years. It was strange that four years after I got my degree I feel like a lot has changed that made me feel like well, matured. Matured enough to pick my fights or issues to settle. Or maybe I’m just too tired of living to meddle with petty things. Some people stay in your lives even after how many years. While some shadows just pass you by until they fade in their own corners. You can’t please everyone. You might help them in any way that you can on their lowest of lows, and yet you have no one during your own.

Honestly it’s not in my personality to catch other people’s attention. I could use some praise every now and then but I hate attention. I hate big parties. I hate bars. I hate new faces on our friends’ table during a reunion. I used to have a lot of friends, now I feel like I only have myself. I’ve been talking to God a lot these days for I am nowhere near okay. I don’t think it’s depression. Because at times I gather all the strength and happiness that I can get from my books and baking (Yep, the nerd stuff). But every morning it’s getting harder for me to wake up from my dreams. It seems like it’s better to dream something that I know is nowhere near my reality. I feel like it’s better to watch something fake than deal with my own. Maybe I am getting depressed. The heaviness of my heart is getting harder to cope with.

What I don’t understand is what triggers these emotions. I may look like a happy person but I’m dying inside. I have these thoughts that I can’t stop thinking about. I feel betrayed. I feel alone. But I guess this could be just a phase in my life. Maybe someday I’ll look back on these notes and I would forget that this moment ever happened.

If everything changed in the past, then everything that I have now could not be the same tomorrow or next week or next year. I’m used to spend my time alone until he happened. I got over that habit little by little. Then after a year the habit went back, until it became worse for us. Now I can’t bear the silence. I can’t bear the fact that I’m too bastard of a friend to support a friend’s decision to be fucked up on his love life, which I feel is on its way to our ending. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. He doesn’t trust his issues with me anymore.

I used to be my friends’ outlet of every bullshit that they have. I used to listen. Once a upon a time I just listen to all their problems and just be positive on everything. But then I grew up. I voiced out my opinions. I became too idealist. Now I have no one.

So no, not all changes improves lives. Some people just don’t understand their worth through other people’s opinions. You can’t just simply judge yourself. Nothing is permanent in this world. Sometimes it’s better to just simply be insensitive, to simply not care about their issues or somewhat related to that. You can’t just simply trust a cloud for shade from a heatwave every time. Sometimes you see a cloud from a far but it can’t help you from where you stand.

Four years ago, I have eight stars. After a year, two faded. Last year, I only have two left. And now I might end the year with only my thoughts and my Moleskine.

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The Cloud on the Horizon

Remember When

Can you still remember the first time you said “I love you”? Do you remember that time where it felt like there was nothing holding you back from saying those three strong words?  Can you remember the first time your stomach became infested with silly butterflies? And the feeling you had that you can both surpass all the obstacles on your journey?

During those years on my first job, I’ve connected with a bunch of idiots, which I love, and I remember telling them that Life was so much simpler on our first year. I think that was on the midst of the “layoffs”. Sometimes I think that life was really simple when you’re young. You don’t have any responsibilities, any stressful issues to encounter. All you had to do back then was to play and go to school.

BUT if you pull yourself on that period you’ll remember those times where you’ve thought about becoming a grown-up so you don’t have to follow any rules anymore. That you can’t wait to be out of school and do anything you want. During our first year at work it was intense that I’ve thought about leaving a bunch of times. I told myself then that my life was simpler when I was in College. You get the cycle.

These thoughts or memories can be dangerous and misleading sometimes. We yearn for escape when we should be facing and living and embracing “the now”. The primal instinct of a person is to find the easiest way out of a tight situation. Instead of formulating any sort of plans to get past through it, they simply run away.

In any given Sunday, people tend to hide inside their shell after a breakup (except for those who found a new leaf to munch on before leaving their crumpled used-to-be source of life). It would be hypocritical of me if I deny the said statement because let’s face it, we’re not strong than what we ought to be. On the midst of the breakup you’d feel tough, thinking that you can survive without the other. But during the aftermath, you will feel lost. Fast forward to moving on with the breakup, how can we ever be ready to commit again?

Do you remember the first time you’ve said “I hate you”? Do you remember hiking that treacherous path to the other side of the cliff to survive? You’ve felt suffocated like you were pinned down to a sinking ship. That moment when you realized that the only way out of the pain inside you is by giving up. That the only door you have leads you outside the relationship. And can you remember the last time those majestic butterflies flapped their wings?

Life should be really simple when you think about it. It’s not, but it should be. It’s not about surviving a task, but about learning from it. We should never be afraid to fall, for the person right next to you could be the right one. I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect guy or woman– the characteristics or standards that people tend to create are simply ideas on their what-could-be-life. Usually they ended up with the person they have not imagined they would fall for.

Hence the fact that die-hard romantics always fall for the wrong person or finds it harder to keep a healthy relationship than those people with low standards. And I blame media for this. Books, movies, and songs about love raises the bar of living your life. People sort of made the idea of norms to conform I think. People shouldn’t be working to live but to simply live.

People with old souls have every right to love freely. Everyone should have their first love, for it is the most innocent feeling in the world. They shouldn’t cower from their emotions just because their mind told them to do so. Getting hurt is part of it and it’s okay, because falling in love is worth it. Everything should not be about the perfect moment, but the perfect feeling.

Remember When

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If there’s one thing you need to (know) about me is that I rock in procrastinating. I think that’s the only that I’m good at. I never had any “obvious talent” growing up. I joined various clubs in school — Art, Sports, Drama, even Culinary. Well, I didn’t suck at them but shoot I was not that great either. Certified mediocre come to think of it. Hence the question “What’s your talent?” is the most absurd thing I have ever encountered back then, and it can be found in various questionnaires and “slam books”, these journal-looking books you can pass around your friends and classmates which asks their basic data and ambitions in the future. Imagine how many of these things I’ve faced in grade school. Oh, the horror of it all!

I wondered then how my classmates ever found out what they’re good at. Like when there were certain events or competitions in school and you’d automatically know who could represent your class and you know that it’s not the person sitting on your chair.

I did not come from a rich family so music classes or any classes of such was out of the question. There were A LOT of formula or milk supplements commercials where they show these kids that they were frigging talented at a very young age (I was not yet aware that there is such a thing as child prodigies!) by drinking these said supplements. Funny how commercials can make a child feel inferior for not been able to take their product.

These simple things can affect a whole lot bigger than what they aim to be. Sometimes we’re too caught up on improving our lives that we don’t notice that we already did a long time ago and that it’s already perfect at that moment until we lose that moment and wished for yesterday to be our tomorrow.

I wish I could have gotten better but if the future has an option, I would never opt to go back and change it. All those things could have been written for me and I suppose I did write them as well by taking that path. I think we can change our fate, we can always be better. Sometimes I think believing in fate is just an excuse to be passive in life. I do believe in fate but I’d like to think that we control our fate. But what if it is in my fate to think this way? LOL.

 

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