Remember When

Can you still remember the first time you said “I love you”? Do you remember that time where it felt like there was nothing holding you back from saying those three strong words?¬† Can you remember the first time your stomach became infested with silly butterflies? And the feeling you had that you can both surpass all the obstacles on your journey?

During those years on my first job, I’ve connected with a bunch of idiots, which I love, and I remember telling them that Life was so much simpler on our first year. I think that was on the midst of the “layoffs”. Sometimes I think that life was really simple when you’re young. You don’t have any responsibilities, any stressful issues to encounter. All you had to do back then was to play and go to school.

BUT if you pull yourself on that period you’ll remember those times where you’ve thought about becoming a grown-up so you don’t have to follow any rules anymore. That you can’t wait to be out of school and do anything you want. During our first year at work it was intense that I’ve thought about leaving a bunch of times. I told myself then that my life was simpler when I was in College. You get the cycle.

These thoughts or memories can be dangerous and misleading sometimes. We yearn for escape when we should be facing and living and embracing “the now”. The primal instinct of a person is to find the easiest way out of a tight situation. Instead of formulating any sort of plans to get past through it, they simply run away.

In any given Sunday, people tend to hide inside their shell after a breakup (except for those who found a new leaf to munch on before leaving their crumpled used-to-be source of life). It would be hypocritical of me if I deny the said statement because let’s face it, we’re not strong than what we ought to be. On the midst of the breakup you’d feel tough, thinking that you can survive without the other. But during the aftermath, you will feel lost. Fast forward to moving on with the breakup, how can we ever be ready to commit again?

Do you remember the first time you’ve said “I hate you”? Do you remember hiking that treacherous path to the other side of the cliff to survive? You’ve felt suffocated like you were pinned down to a sinking ship. That moment when you realized that the only way out of the pain inside you is by giving up. That the only door you have leads you outside the relationship. And can you remember the last time those majestic butterflies flapped their wings?

Life should be really simple when you think about it. It’s not, but it should be. It’s not about surviving a task, but about learning from it. We should never be afraid to fall, for the person right next to you could be the right one. I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect guy or woman– the characteristics or standards that people tend to create are simply ideas on their what-could-be-life. Usually they ended up with the person they have not imagined they would fall for.

Hence the fact that die-hard romantics always fall for the wrong person or finds it harder to keep a healthy relationship than those people with low standards. And I blame media for this. Books, movies, and songs about love raises the bar of living your life.¬†People sort of made the idea of norms to conform I think. People shouldn’t be working to live but to simply live.

People with old souls have every right to love freely. Everyone should have their first love, for it is the most innocent feeling in the world. They shouldn’t cower from their emotions just because their mind told them to do so. Getting hurt is part of it and it’s okay, because falling in love is worth it. Everything should not be about the perfect moment, but the perfect feeling.

Remember When

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If there’s one thing you need to (know) about me is that I rock in procrastinating. I think that’s the only that I’m good at. I never had any “obvious talent” growing up. I joined various clubs in school — Art, Sports, Drama, even Culinary. Well, I didn’t suck at them but shoot I was not that great either. Certified mediocre come to think of it. Hence the question “What’s your talent?” is the most absurd thing I have ever encountered back then, and it can be found in various questionnaires and “slam books”, these journal-looking books you can pass around your friends and classmates which asks their basic data and ambitions in the future. Imagine how many of these things I’ve faced in grade school. Oh, the horror of it all!

I wondered then how my classmates ever found out what they’re good at. Like when there were certain events or competitions in school and you’d automatically know who could represent your class and you know that it’s not the person sitting on your chair.

I did not come from a rich family so music classes or any classes of such was out of the question. There were A LOT of formula or milk supplements commercials where they show these kids that they were frigging talented at a very young age (I was not yet aware that there is such a thing as child prodigies!) by drinking these said supplements. Funny how commercials can make a child feel inferior for not been able to take their product.

These simple things can affect a whole lot bigger than what they aim to be. Sometimes we’re too caught up on improving our lives that we don’t notice that we already did a long time ago and that it’s already perfect at that moment until we lose that moment and wished for yesterday to be our tomorrow.

I wish I could have gotten better but if the future has an option, I would never opt to go back and change it. All those things could have been written for me and I suppose I did write them as well by taking that path. I think we can change our fate, we can always be better. Sometimes I think believing in fate is just an excuse to be passive in life. I do believe in fate but I’d like to think that we control our fate. But what if it is in my fate to think this way? LOL.


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